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Content note: This article discusses suicide and suicidal thoughts.
If you're worried that someone might be thinking about suicide, starting a conversation can feel daunting. You might be worried about saying the wrong thing or feel unsure about what you should do. You don't need to have all the answers. Listening, showing that you care and helping someone connect with further support can make a difference.
What should I do if someone is in immediate danger?
If you think someone is in immediate danger or they have seriously harmed themselves, call 999 and ask for an ambulance.
If you're with them and it's safe for you to do so, stay with them while you get help.
If the situation isn't immediately life-threatening but you think they need urgent mental health support, you can help them access urgent professional support.
The University has an Urgent Support page with information about the services available to students.
How do I start the conversation?
Try to find somewhere they feel comfortable and where you can talk without being interrupted.
You don't need to find the perfect words. You could start with something simple like:
- “How are you really?”
- “I've noticed you don't seem like yourself lately. How are you feeling?”
- “I'm worried about you. Do you want to talk about what's going on?”
Give them time to answer. They might not want to talk straight away, and that's okay. Letting them know you're there can still be important.
Should I ask them directly about suicide?
Yes. If you're worried that someone may be thinking about suicide, it's okay to ask them directly.
You could say:
“I'm worried about you. Are you having suicidal thoughts?”
Asking someone about suicide won't put the idea into their head or make them more likely to act on their thoughts. Being direct can give someone permission to tell you how they're really feeling.
Try to ask calmly and without judgement. Avoid phrases such as “You're not going to do anything stupid, are you?” This can make it harder for someone to be open about what they're experiencing.
What should I do if they say yes?
Take what they're telling you seriously and give them space to talk.
You don't need to solve what they're going through. Often, one of the most helpful things you can do is listen.
Try asking open questions such as:
- “Do you want to tell me more about how you're feeling?”
- “How long have you been feeling like this?”
- “What would feel helpful right now?”
- “Is there someone you'd feel comfortable contacting together?”
Try not to interrupt, rush to find solutions or tell them how they should feel.
Comments such as “other people have it worse”, “think about your family” or “we all have bad days” can feel dismissive, even when they're intended to help.
Instead, focus on listening and acknowledging what they're telling you.
Do I need to keep what they tell me secret?
Don't promise to keep suicidal thoughts a secret.
You can respect someone's privacy while being clear that, if you're worried they're in immediate danger, you may need to get additional help.
Where possible, talk to them about who you could contact together. This could be someone they trust, their GP or another professional support service.
If there's an immediate risk to their life, call 999.
How can I help them find more support?
You aren't expected to support someone through this on your own.
Ask what might feel manageable for them. You could offer to sit with them while they make a phone call, help them find contact details or go with them to speak to someone they trust.
They could contact:
- their GP
Sometimes taking the first step can feel difficult, so offering practical support can make reaching out feel more manageable.
What support is available at the University?
The University’s Wellbeing Services can support students experiencing difficulties with their mental health.
Students don't need to wait until they're in crisis to ask for support.
If someone needs urgent help, use the University's Urgent Support information rather than waiting for a routine wellbeing appointment.
What other support is available?
Samaritans provides free, confidential listening support at any time. Call 116 123.
There are also resources from organisations including Mind, Calm, Young Minds, Rethink Mental Illness if you'd like more guidance on supporting someone with their mental health.
How do I look after myself while supporting someone?
Supporting someone who is experiencing suicidal thoughts can have an impact on you too.
It's okay to recognise the limits of what you can provide. You're their friend, coursemate, colleague or loved one – you don't have to become their counsellor or manage the situation by yourself.
Talk to someone you trust and reach out for support if you need it. You can use the services above if you need someone to talk too.
Looking after yourself doesn't mean you're letting the other person down.
How can the Advice Team help?
Our Advice Team isn't an emergency or crisis service, but we can help with other issues that may be affecting you or the person you're supporting.
We can help students understand their options around things like their studies, finances, housing and University processes, and signpost to specialist support where needed.
If you need advice about your situation email advice@exeterguild.com or complete our enquiry form.
If you're worried about someone's immediate safety, use emergency or urgent mental health support rather than waiting for a response from the Advice Team.
