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Feeling lonely at university is more common than you might think. You might be surrounded by people and still feel lonely or feel like you haven't found the friendships or connections you were hoping for. You might also miss home, be going through a change in your friendships, or simply feel disconnected from the people around you.
However, you're experiencing loneliness, there's nothing embarrassing about feeling this way – and there are things you can try that might help you feel more connected.
What does loneliness actually mean?
Loneliness isn't necessarily about being physically alone.
You can spend lots of time by yourself and feel completely comfortable or be surrounded by people and still feel lonely.
Loneliness is often about the difference between the connections you have and the connections you'd like to have. You might want closer friendships, more people to spend time with, a stronger sense of belonging or simply someone you feel comfortable talking to.
Understanding what you're missing can sometimes help you work out what might make things feel better.
Why can university feel lonely?
University comes with lots of changes, and building new relationships can take time.
You might be:
- living somewhere new
- away from friends, family or familiar support networks
- finding it difficult to meet people you connect with
- living with people you don't have much in common with
- experiencing changes in existing friendships
- commuting and finding it harder to meet people outside your course
- returning to university after time away
- finding that university isn't quite what you expected.
There's often pressure to feel like university should be the “best years of your life”, which can make loneliness even harder to talk about.
But there's no right way to experience university, and you don't need to have a huge friendship group or a packed social calendar to be doing it properly.
What if it feels like everyone else is having a better time than me?
Social media can make it very easy to compare your everyday life with everyone else's highlights.
Photos of nights out, holidays, society events and friendship groups don't necessarily show everything that's happening in someone's life.
If scrolling is leaving you feeling worse about yourself or more disconnected, taking a break or changing the accounts you follow might help.
Try to focus on the relationships and experiences that feel meaningful to you rather than what you think your university experience is supposed to look like.
How can I meet new people?
Making friends doesn't always happen immediately, and it's okay if finding your people takes a little time.
Joining a student group can be a good way to meet people who already share an interest with you. There are hundreds of societies, student groups and communities at Exeter covering everything from hobbies and cultures to campaigning, faith, sport and academic interests.
If joining a group feels like a big commitment, try a Give it a Go event. They're a chance to try something different and meet people without needing to commit long term.
You could also look for volunteering opportunities, peer support or events happening around campus.
Have a look at our What's On page and student groups events to see what's coming up.
What if I'm nervous about going to something on my own?
Walking into a room where you don't know anyone can feel intimidating, particularly when you're already feeling lonely.
Start with something that feels manageable. You could choose a smaller event, message the organisers beforehand or ask whether someone can meet you when you arrive.
And remember, you probably won't be the only person who's turned up hoping to meet someone new. Our Guild events have friendly event assistants who are students just like you.
You don't need to leave an event with a new best friend for it to have been worthwhile. Sometimes connection starts with simply seeing the same people regularly and gradually getting to know them.
Should I tell someone I'm feeling lonely?
If you feel comfortable doing so, talking about loneliness can help.
You could start with a friend, family member, coursemate or someone else you trust. You don't need to make it a big conversation – simply telling someone you've been feeling a bit disconnected or would like some company can be a starting point.
You might be surprised by how many people understand what you're experiencing.
The Mental Health Foundation has a student guide to loneliness with more ideas for building connections and looking after yourself.
Every Mind Matters also has practical advice about understanding and managing loneliness.
What if loneliness is affecting my mental health?
Feeling lonely for a long time can affect your wellbeing, and you don't have to manage that by yourself.
If you're finding things particularly difficult, withdrawing from everyday life or noticing that loneliness is affecting your mood, studies or ability to do the things you normally would, consider reaching out for some extra support.
You could speak to someone you trust, your GP, the Student Health Centre or the University's Wellbeing Services.
You don't need to wait until you're at crisis point to ask for help.
How can the Advice Team help?
Sometimes there are other things contributing to loneliness – perhaps you're struggling with your course, having difficulties with your housemates, worried about money or finding university life harder than expected.
Our Advice Team can talk through what's happening and help you understand what support or options might be available.
We're not a mental health service, but we can help with issues around your studies, housing, finances and University processes, and point you towards other support where needed.
Complete our enquiry form or email advice@exeterguild.com for help.
Finding your place at university can take time. You don't need to have everything figured out or a ready-made friendship group. Small connections count too.
