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Growing up in a convent-all-girls school it goes without saying that my sex education was lacking. We covered basic anatomy and were left to figure out the rest ourselves. But the most important things I’ve since learned about sex education have pretty much nothing to do with anatomy!
1) Sexual Boundaries Aren't Static:
Boundaries are often seen as a one-and-done conversation, but they can change depending on mood, trust, and personal growth. Being attuned to these shifts is essential for healthy relationships. It is important that these boundaries are discussed with all your sexual partners not just long-term ones!
What to Know: Regularly revisit and reaffirm boundaries with your partner(s). It's also okay to set new ones or remove old ones as your feelings evolve.
2) Queer Sex Isn’t Just a Variation—It’s Its Own Thing:
Sex education often treats LGBTQ+ experiences as an afterthought, if they are included at all. But queer sex involves its own practices, dynamics, and ways of connecting that deserves recognition and respect.
What to Know: Queer sex is more than simply adapting heteronormative ideas. Take time to explore what feels right for you without feeling the need to fit a predefined script. Open, affirming resources designed for LGBTQ+ communities can help.
3) Your Feelings About Sex May Change Over Time:
One thing that's rarely discussed is how your relationship with sex and intimacy can evolve. What feels right for you one day may change as you grow and experience life. And that's perfectly normal.
What to Know: It's okay to go through phases where sex feels important and other times when it doesn't. Your comfort and boundaries may shift over time—always listen to yourself and communicate openly with your partner(s).
4) Desire Isn’t Always Spontaneous:
We’re often led to believe that sexual attraction is instant and constant, but for many people, desire is more responsive than spontaneous. This is particularly true for those in long-term relationships or experiencing stress.
What to Know: Desire can be nurtured through emotional connection and feeling safe. It’s normal to not always be "in the mood" instantly—and it doesn’t mean something is wrong.
Author: Adele Santamaria