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There’s a strong expectation that by a certain point at uni, everyone will have found their “people”: a solid friend group you live with, go out with, and do everything with. It’s something that gets talked about a lot, especially in first year, and it can feel like it’s just supposed to happen naturally. But for a lot of students, it doesn’t look like that. It’s easy to assume everyone else has it sorted, especially when social media makes it seem like people are constantly surrounded by the same group of friends. Group photos, nights out, shared houses — it creates a very specific picture of what uni life is meant to be. If your experience doesn’t match that, it can feel like you’re missing something or falling behind.
In reality, student friendships are often much less straightforward. A lot of people don’t have one single, tight-knit group. Instead, friendships can be spread across different parts of uni life: people from your course, people you met in first year, people from societies or part-time jobs. These connections might not all overlap, and they might not involve constant plans or group chats, but that doesn’t make them any less valid. It’s also common for friendships to change over time. Not everyone stays close with their flatmates, and not everyone finds their closest friends straight away. People’s routines shift, priorities change, and sometimes it takes longer to find the people you really connect with. That doesn’t mean something has gone wrong — it just means things are still developing.
There’s also a lot of pressure to always be social. Saying yes to everything, going out regularly, being part of plans — it can feel like that’s what uni is supposed to be. But that pressure can make things more stressful, especially if you’re trying to force connections that don’t feel natural. Having a full calendar doesn’t necessarily mean feeling connected. What often gets overlooked is that smaller, more individual connections can be just as important. Seeing someone one-on-one, having a good conversation after a lecture, or keeping in touch with a few different people can create a sense of belonging without it looking like a traditional “group.” For some students, that kind of social life feels more manageable and more genuine.
There’s also an assumption that if you don’t have a solid friend group, you must be lonely — but that isn’t always true. Some people prefer having a few close friendships rather than being part of a larger group, and others are still in the process of building connections in their own time. There isn’t one version of a “successful” social life at uni. The idea that everyone else has it figured out can be one of the most isolating parts of the experience, but it’s often not accurate. A lot of students are in similar positions, even if it’s not obvious from the outside. Not having a solid friend group doesn’t mean you’re doing uni wrong, it just means your experience doesn’t match a very specific expectation that doesn’t apply to everyone.